Pilfer the pirate had such a pleasant smile. He hung out at the town square on a regular basis, spinning yarns about his misadventures. Often, he would buy a round of beer for the boys, just because he was such a nice fellow. Everyone knew that he was a thief, but it was hard to hate such a nice guy, who was always happy and gay.
“Hey Pilfer, why did you choose a life of piracy?” one man asked.
“I can’t help it,” replied Pilfer the pirate. “I was born this way.”
One day, Suzie Q was leaving the hairstylist and could not find her brand new Cadillac. A brand new bicycle, kickstand down, was standing in the parking space instead. A note was attached with these words: “I know you have plenty of money to buy several Cadillacs Suzie Q. I didn’t want to leave you stranded, so I left you this nice bicycle to get you home.”
Adam Smith found a note where his high-dollar computer had been sitting. “You are such a talented man and you waste so much time on your computer, that I wanted to do you a favor, so you could get your life back. You’re welcome.
Jane Lovelace found a note in her jewelry box, where she would leave her $15,000 ear rings, when she wasn’t wearing them. “You are such an incredibly beautiful woman, that not even these ear rings can enhance your beauty. I will put them to much better use.”
The authorities tried many times to catch Pilfer the pirate, but with no success. Finally the powers-that-be decided, that Pilfer the pirate never really harmed anyone. How could they blame Pilfer; for after all, he couldn’t really help himself, because he was born that way.
They created a new protected status for nice thieves, that exempted them from prosecution. Furthermore, anyone speaking against nice thieves are using hate-speech, punishable by up to one year in prison. Nice thieves are not to be discriminated against.